If Only

May 15th, 2025
by Quenise Nance

If Only

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If Only

Beware a pair of words that have the power to steal your life: If only.

Relationship expert Les Parrott asserts, “Once you begin a sentence with if only, you have sealed the deal with regret.”

If only I had saved a few dollars every week, the way everyone told me, I would be financially secure right now.

If only I hadn’t skipped that meeting, my whole career might have taken a different direction.

If only I hadn’t flipped out when my partner made that mistake, we might be happily married today.

If only I had lost weight when I only had a few pounds to lose, I wouldn’t feel so horrible whenever I step onto the scale.

If only I had worked harder in school, I wouldn’t be stuck in this job.

If only I had sought God when I felt close to him, I wouldn’t feel so lost today.

If only statements are deadly because they force us to live in a place where we no longer have the opportunity to change our lives: the past.

Living in the past yields regret. Living in the future generates worry.

While it’s true that God exists in all dimensions of time and space simultaneously – past, present, and future – there’s only one moment in which we can relate to God directly.

That would be this moment.

A number of years ago I came emotionally unglued when talking to a friend of mine, a church colleague. I was right on a particular issue – I just knew it – and I wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to declare my disappointment that my will (and what was obviously common sense) had been thwarted.

At one juncture my friend calmly interrupted my rant and said, “Glenn, just take a breath.”

But I would have none of that. I was deriving way too much pleasure from my evident rightness.

That is, until the conversation ended. Then I was left alone and feeling utterly foolish.

If only I had waited ten more minutes before speaking. If only I had decided to walk way. If only I had taken the wonderful advice that my friend had given to me: Glenn, just take a breath. If only I had stood down, then life would be beautiful, peace would rule on Earth, and the Indiana Pacers would finish off the Cleveland Cavaliers in their NBA playoff series this evening.

Les Parrott points out that every if only is powered by a pair of lies.

The first is that life would somehow be simple and easy if only the past were different. The second is that we must inevitably remain locked up in the prisons of our past actions.

In truth, we have great power. That power is embodied in our next play: Will we trust God now or allow regret to be our master?

Before day’s end I drove to my friend’s house and stood there on the porch. I was greeted with a disarming smile: “I knew you probably had a terrible day, Glenn, and I almost drove over to your place.” Within minutes we shared the gift of reconciliation and began thinking about our next steps forward.

The Bible couldn’t be clearer: “Now is the time of God’s salvation, now is the day of salvation” (II Corinthians 6:2).

The past is an impossible place to live. Which is why God is always pointing us toward a better future.

But it will be better only if we trust him in the present moment, and allow the power of each and every if only to be broken.
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Glenn McDonald is an ordained Presbyterian minister, has 45 years of congregational and workplace leadership experience, and is the author of ten books on discipleship and spiritual formation. He and Mary Sue have four children, nine grandchildren, and enjoy living on a small horse farm not far from Indianapolis.

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